A Mother's Struggle: How Gender Expectations Turned a Happy Marriage into a Life of Hardship in Rural Afghanistan

In a quiet corner of Nangarhar’s Sarh Rud district, Rogal, a 35-year-old mother, has lived a life marked by hardship, resilience, and a struggle for dignity. Her story is not just her own, but a reflection of a larger societal reality where the birth of daughters is often seen as a misfortune, and the price for not bearing a son can be devastating.

Rogal’s early married life began with promise. Her in-laws welcomed her with joy, and she felt optimistic about her future. But the birth of three daughters in a row brought about a dramatic change in her life. The expectations of her husband and his family weighed heavily upon her, as they hoped for a male heir — a hope Rogal could not fulfill. With each daughter’s birth, her standing in the household diminished.

“At first, they were happy with me, but as soon as it became clear that I wasn’t going to give them a son, their attitude changed,” says Rogal, her eyes filled with pain. “By the time I was pregnant with my third daughter, they had almost given up on me.”

Her fourth pregnancy was a turning point. Left to deliver her child at home without medical assistance, Rogal developed high blood pressure during labor, a dangerous complication that could have been avoided if she had received proper care. “No one took me to the hospital,” she says. “I had to endure it all alone.”

The situation worsened when, during her fifth pregnancy, a scan revealed that the child was another girl. Rogal’s husband, consumed by disappointment, turned to physical violence. She endured brutal beatings, and even after the birth, the baby girl was not spared. “I was punished for something I could not control,” Rogal recounts. “My daughters were treated as if they were my failure.”

Tragically, her fifth daughter died shortly after birth. Despite the heartbreak, Rogal remained determined to provide a son for her husband, but fate had other plans. When her sixth child was born — another girl — her husband’s patience broke. He chose to marry another woman, leaving Rogal to fend for herself.

For the past three years, Rogal has lived in her father’s house, struggling to raise her children with almost no support. “Since he married again, I have been left to face this burden alone. The weight of raising my daughters and managing our livelihood is overwhelming,” she says.

Economic hardship has compounded her suffering. Rogal explains that the pressure of being both a mother and the primary breadwinner has left her in a state of constant anxiety. The stigma of not having a son has robbed her of dignity and security, both in her husband’s home and in society.

“I worry all the time about the future, about how I will support my daughters and what will become of them,” says Rogal, her voice weary with exhaustion.

Her story is not unique in a region where traditional values still prioritize sons over daughters, leaving women like Rogal vulnerable and often without a support system. Her experience highlights the urgent need for cultural change, for greater support for women, and for a society that values every child, regardless of gender.

A number of women’s rights activists believe that challenging harmful practices, traditions, and beliefs in Afghan society requires a sustained effort in public awareness. They argue that the human rights organizations must take an active role in raising awareness. In addition, influential figures, the media, and local clerics are urged to use their platforms to promote the value of every child, regardless of gender, and to highlight the rights of women.

“Education and awareness are the strongest tools we have to dismantle these harmful beliefs,” says Marzia, a women’s rights activist. “If society understands that a child’s worth is not tied to their gender, it can change the lives of countless women like Rogal.”

“Change must come from within the community,” adds Marzia. “Local leaders, religious figures, and the media must join hands to spread a message of equality and respect for all children.”

“Public awareness isn’t just about educating women; it’s about reaching men, families, and entire communities,” she emphasizes. “Only then can we begin to shift mindsets and reduce the suffering caused by outdated traditions.”

Rogal’s tale is a stark reminder of the challenges faced by many women in rural Afghanistan, where deep-rooted cultural expectations and economic difficulties can create a cycle of suffering for those who don’t conform to traditional gender norms.